Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark (but please turn on the story)

Well this long dead blogspot has had to be revived for the first "Wednesday Matinee Fortnight (fortday?) Theater". And what was the lucky show? Yup. It's Spiderman!

Now, I'd be lying if I said I haven't been looking forward to this for a long (very long) time. I mean it's Julie Taymor; a director who has yet to disappoint me in any medium: theater, opera, or film (I might be the only under 40 fan of her Titus). And as far as the direction goes, no, scratch that. As far at the technical direction goes, it's flawless. Visually stimulating, stunning, energetic, engaging, somebody grab me my thesaurus. But she should have left the book to more capable hands. I mean, it's Spiderman!! There's a wealth of source material out there. You can't throw a rock in this town without hitting a Marvel writer. (ok, that's hyperbole, but come on!) There are so many characters that are already written, fleshed out, well developed. Did she really have to go and create her own? (The fault here isn't that she wrote her own, it's that they are soooo poorly developed.)
Like so many others who have commented on the show so far, I feel that the Arachne storyline is just stupid. I get it. It goes along with the Geek (greek) chorus which, of course is a time honored tradition in the theatre. BUT HAS NO REFERENCE TO SPIDERMAN! I mean, If I was directing a new musical that had no format to rely on, I could see using the chorus device to move the story along. But Spiderman has a format. It has its own frame of exposition and any outside machinations are not necessary. Sometimes (rarely) they Geek Chorus is able to get some plot development out of the way but mostly (MOSTLY!) they just bring the storyline to a screeching halt, like when they discuss for 5 minutes whether Spidey was chosen to receive these powers or could it have happened to just anyone. Who cares? They left MJ hanging from that bridge so they could chat about this?

All right. Let's talk about the aerial acrobatics. Yes. The stunts are exciting. They're breathtaking actually. We had aisle orchestra seats and believe me, there was a lot of ducking and clutching of Kevin as they soared (swung?) over our heads. For one number, Arachne was zooming all over the orchestra seats, twirling and swinging violently and I knew (just knew!) that my life was over! I mean a lot of the show is a major adrenaline rush. And therein lies another problem Adrenaline can not take the place of an audience's investment in the characters they're watching or the story (?) that's being told. I really couldn't care if Peter and MJ live happily ever after but I sure as hell will have dreams of the Green Goblin falling on me.
Not that it bothered me too much, but 5 minutes shy of the intermission, stunt Spidey got his harness wires twisted and they had to pause the show for about 5 minutes while he dangled above the orchestra seats, and he waited to un-spin. (Now, I was watching this the whole time, and damned if it didn't look like he purposefully twisted his cables. Hmmmm. Giving the audience a taste of what they've read so much about? I guess only his hairdresser knows for sure...) Well he untangled, and they preformed the last 5 minutes of act one. And it should have ended there.

Act two. Oh act two! What did the theater ever do to deserve this?

Let's just say that the story is convoluted, which would save me from trying (trying!) to recall and recount all the falderol that happens in act two. The highlights include a chorus number where very well constructed spider gals do a number about shoes (yes, shoes). Each actress has a skirt of 6 (what appear to be) ladies' manequin legs wearing platform high heel shoes. They dance and twirl, all the time kicking up their "legs" to reveal what is now 6 crotches on each gal. Kevin and I were in stitches. No one else was. This is followed in the next scene by the worst line spoken on the Broadway stage in the last 20 years. Arachne, now in human form, tells the editor of the Daily Bugle that she "descended from the astral plane with the help of human shoes" Good night nurse!

Ok. Here's the positives. Kim Grigsby has done an amazing job with Bono and the Edge's score. The band and singers are flawless. I mean the music is really great. They're just sung by characters we care nothing about.

The sets and projections are out of this world. There must be 10,000 cues for this poor stage manager. It really is superb.


Now like Bill Samson says in All About Eve...

"The Theatuh, the Theatuh - what book of rules says the Theater exists only within some ugly buildings crowded into one square mile of New York City? Or London, Paris or Vienna? Listen, junior. And learn. Want to know what the Theater is? A flea circus. Also opera. Also rodeos, carnivals, ballets, Indian tribal dances, Punch and Judy, a one-man band - all Theater. Wherever there's magic and make-believe and an audience - there's Theater. Donald Duck, Ibsen, and The Lone Ranger, Sarah Bernhardt, Poodles Hanneford, Lunt and Fontanne, Betty Grable, Rex and Wild, and Eleanora Duse. You don't understand them all, you don't like them all, why should you? The Theater's for everybody - you included, but not exclusively - so don't approve or disapprove. It may not be your Theater, but it's Theater of somebody, somewhere. "

Last thought. Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark is like Chinese food. It was great in the moment, but 20 minutes later I realize I'm still hungry--for a story.